To blog or not to blog...that is the question...

So, I just re-read the blog that I started earlier in the year, and really how completely open I have been on here with my thoughts. At times, I seem very vulnerable, hurt, and unsure-the next moment I seem totally aware and strong. I never meant for this blog to seem as dark and depressing as it has come off to me. I only meant to open up the door that has been sealed shut over the past few years. One thing though, that I've realized about myself through this whole "writing process" is that I only seem to write down my thoughts as I am unhappy, scared, or mad. I guess people don't have a lot to say when they are happy-maybe it's just been so long since I've been happy that only the bad things have risen to the surface...

I guess, more or less-I have been evolving, changing and peeling off layers of a shell that took years to develop and strengthen--not by choice, but by survival and protection.

Today, almost 6 months after I decided to start this blog-I am in a much more knowledgeable position in my life. That is, I am more aware of how the things that have happened as of late were meant to challenge me and how the have effected me.

I guess when I started this, I could have made it a once a day-type of blog to let off some steam, or sharing HAPPY thoughts about things that happened that day...but honestly, I haven't had a day like that in quite a long time.

Sometimes, I look back and see how much I have gone through and how beat down I actually was, and I am very proud to have not completely lost my shit in the process.

A friend of mine, sent me the best comment a few months ago...something along the lines of-"..if you take just one thing that is going on in Haley's life right now it would be difficult to handle and to go through--but she has several things thrown at her all at once right now and I don't know anyone else that is strong enough to handle it all. That if you don't know Haley, it would be a privilege in your life to try to get to know her.."

That made me feel so good. That someone did see everything that was thrown at me all at once and to know that someone had faith in me being able to see through it all, take the burdens and grow from it all, very comforting.

Today, I am happier. I do have hope, and I do see good things in my future. I was able to accomplish a lot this last year..with growing and strengthening being a major part of that.

It's not that I am that negative of a person, I really am not. I am a realist, and I can only base decisions on what's right in front of me.

So, as I continue to spill my thoughts onto this digital diary of mine-whomsoever's path this may cross-just let me say that it is as vulnerable, honest and open as I can possibly be.

I won't hold back, no matter how I feel-happy, sad-angry, whatever....just know that it's me--from the bottom of my heart and mind.

Too many people these days are delusional and put on a mask for others. I, personally--don't own any. Those that know me, know that I am real and that as complex as things are that they can count on getting the raw truth from me.

What you see, is what I am. Take it or leave it-