The suffocation

You judge me as if you know who I am.
You have no idea the things I’ve seen..
Or the places that I’ve been.

To say you know me is a joke in itself..
I painted the walls on the inside of my heart
Just to see how it felt

To see a different shade..one I haven’t known
Peeking through the threads on the patches of my heart
Where each one had been sewn..

When pieces were torn apart…giving a tiny glimmer of light
From the inside of my fragile heart's cage all your lies were like vines,
Wrapping and twisting around my reality-although out of sight

I couldn’t feel my way through to find my way out.
They strangled and choked and suffocated my thoughts
But you know me, I fought and I fought

To know the truth, only to hear you say..
“Wait” , knowing by then I had been done long ago-
Back before the pain set in and began to flow

Through my veins like rushing waters
Flooding out all common sense
What about my feelings, my needs? Why bother?

I left her alone- there- in a puddle of rain
She doesn’t know how long she’s been there
But I know her well enough to know she won’t complain

She’s all about the greater good, even if it means
Chasing her dreams until finally collapsing-out of breath
In the shadows of where you once stood.

First post of 2010---CHANGE IS EVIDENT

So...I read a little background to get a feel for where I had been this time last year...and over the last year how far I've come--what's different..what's still the same..

The clutter clearing has begun. I have begun to detoxify my life from anything and anyone who isn't in my corner. If you use me or take advantage of me--you won't now. If you think I am just quiet and passive, you will know better now. The bull has awakened and damn it feels good.

I think, given the fact that so much bad happened in such a short amount of time--anyone would have to do what I did and retreat and try to get a game plan together and simply mend their heart. My heart took so many blows this last year..and those of you who know me well know what I've been through.

I am so much stronger now though...and feel as if things have finally turned around for the better. It was all in my head all along..I just kept it resting..hibernating.---now it's right here...it's in the present.

I am living for me. I am making myself happy at all costs. I am taking care of myself 1st-no one else will. Selflessness is great....till people think they have you and can abuse your kindness...

I believe...you are only treated the way you ALLOW people to treat you...and I'm fucking fed up! So back the fuck up if you don't believe in me and get out of my way cause I see an out..and I'm headed for it. The thumb has been lifted, along with the clouds and now I see.

Those who are negative, cannot maintain or understand a positive mind state, and will find their own way out of your life!!

Much love in 2010..., no, really...:)